As you may know if you are a regular reader (Do I actually have any of those?) this blog is a blend personal topics, affiliate marketing, paid postings and showing off cool shops on places like Etsy I find on the web. I have a lack of niche or focused writing here and I am okay with that. It is who I am.
So today is one of those personal days. I have felt the need to write this post and wasn't sure I really wanted to put all of this out in the universe by giving words to what happened and how I felt. However today is the day so here goes. This post will sit here quietly and probably not be shared on any other social media.
To begin I am a person who feels a need to witness history even though I don't watch much television any other time. I am also a Democrat in a family of Republicans. They snicker at what they call my hippie thinking behind my back. I am secure in how I feel about topics like climate change, women's reproductive rights, gun control, health care as a right and so on. They tolerate me and I tolerate them for the most part. Before this year I wouldn't have put any of them in the far right categories of their party.
As I usually do during a presidential election year I watched most of the night on Election Night in November just in case the presidential race was called by the networks even though I know the official counts from the states can take some time, days or more, after the polls close. In December I paid attention to the news so that I knew the Electoral College held it's vote.
So on January 6th I had c-span on to watch the vote being certified in the joint session of congress. I, as usual, was watching c-span so I don't have to deal with talking heads telling me all about what they think whether I agree with them or not. I was watching live as the congress split to discuss the objection to the state of Arizona. I saw on c-span as House and Senate were gaveled into recess, the rooms being locked down and cleared. Of course they were not covering what was happening outside.
I realized something very wrong was happening and changed to CNN to see what information was being broadcast there. I was horrified with what I saw. I had a true flight or fight adrenaline rush and found myself pacing and crying and utterly gutted. Of course I couldn't look away. I couldn't believe that the America First crowd and the MAGA followers of the president could treat our capital building and it's work with such complete contempt and disregard for all it stands for. I was so worried about lives being in danger on both sides because that man is not and on that day was not worth a single human life.
I watched into the night as the building was cleared and the process Congress was there for was restarted and around 4 am finally completed. I was so proud of that. But goodness what a roller coaster ride that day was.
The next day I felt safer and good about a branch of the government that did it's job in the face of such horror and desecration. At least I felt that way until my mom called.
She is in her 80's, lives alone (has a niece of mine do her grocery shopping) and watches Fox News ALL DAY LONG. She opened by telling me that Chinese Communists made Joe Biden send disguised Antifa members into the Capitol Building the previous day. I felt gut punched. I didn't think before this that she had gone over the edge so far. I knew she loved having courts packed with conservative judges to take away women's rights and we had many discussions about that in the past. But this conspiracy idea was the most idiotic thing she had ever said. I replied, not that I am proud of this but being truthful here, that what she said was absolute bullshit. She responded that I just didn't understand that the Chinese controlled Biden and we were going to be living in a socialist country very soon. At that point I said I could not continue this conversation any longer, told her so and I hung up.
I haven't spoken to her since then and I really don't know how I ever will again. You are supposed to love your mother but she is someone now that I can't even like. We are so far apart in our view of the world that common ground has been getting harder and harder to find. The struggle to do that after our conversation just seems impossible. Right now I think she can just spout all this stuff to my four Republican siblings and leave me out of it.
Not a pretty story but a truthful one. I have a toxic mother and the toxicity has grown to more than I can deal with. My great wish as I age is that I don't become like her.
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